


Punk Fairy Dog

by sister_wolf



Category: Hard Core Logo (1996)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-30
Updated: 2004-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sister_wolf/pseuds/sister_wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy almost dropped the guitar.  <em>Fuck.</em>  He didn't <em>think</em> he'd taken any acid at the afterparty, but he must have, because he was obviously hallucinating.  There was no way in hell that Joe had just turned into a massive black dog and trashed his hotel room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Punk Fairy Dog

**Author's Note:**

> For [](http://bexless.livejournal.com/profile)[**bexless**](http://bexless.livejournal.com/)'s Woke Up Fairy challenge (though I'm not sure this is _quite_ the kind of fairy she had in mind...)

"Sonofa _bitch!_ "

There was a crash from the hotel room next door.  Billy eyed the connecting door warily-- the thumps, swearing, and tinkle of broken glass were familiar from past instances of Joe losing his temper and trashing a hotel room, but the low growls which followed were, quite frankly, _not_.

"Joe?" he called out cautiously, rattling the doorknob.

 _Growl,_ responded whatever the fuck was in Joe's room.  It sounded like a really big fucking dog.  Like Cujo.

Holy shit.  Billy looked for something, _anything_ , to use as a club.  He finally decided on his least favorite guitar.  Clutching the guitar in one hand, he slowly opened the door.

Yep, it was a really big fucking dog.  The huge black dog looked up from ripping a pillow to shreds and growled at Billy.  There was no sign of Joe.

"Joe?  You in here?"  Billy gripped the guitar by the neck with both hands, hoping the damn thing could actually manage to knock out the dog, which was the size of a small _horse_.  The dog shook its head, sending feathers flying from the eviscerated pillow.  Billy gulped.  Holy shit, maybe it'd _eaten_ Joe.

Slowly advancing toward the dog, Billy called out, "Joe?  If you're still alive, just fucking moan or something, okay?"  The dog barked, showing sharp white fangs.  Billy took a step back without meaning to.  Jesus _fuck_ , that thing was scary.

There was a low thrum, like a bass chord, and suddenly the dog was gone and _Joe_ was crouching by the bed, spitting feathers out of his mouth.

Billy almost dropped the guitar.  _Fuck._   He didn't _think_ he'd taken any acid at the afterparty, but he must have, because he was obviously hallucinating.  There was no way in hell that Joe had just turned into a massive black dog and trashed his hotel room.

Joe stood, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  " _Fuck._   Listen, I'll explain everything later.  We need to get the fuck out of here before the hotel calls the cops."

"... Why would the hotel call the cops?  Joe?  What'd you _do?_ "

Joe looked shifty.  "I'll explain everything later, Billiam.  Just trust me."

* * *

Billy waited till Pipe and John fell asleep in the back of the van.  He'd insisted on driving, because even if he _was_ hallucinating, he still trusted his own driving more than Joe's.

"What the fuck was that, Joe?  What did you _do?_   Why did we have to skip out in the middle of the night?"

Joe sighed.  Billy glanced over and saw that he was rubbing his face with his hands.  "I was gonna tell you, a long time ago, but I... wasn't sure how you'd take it."

"Take _what?_ "

"I'm a pooka."

"You're a _what?_ "

"A pooka," Pipe's voice came unexpectedly from the back of the van.  "A fun-loving creature that turns into a cute animal and plays pranks."

Joe snarled, sounding remarkably like the dog.  "Fucking White Wolf!"

Billy blinked.  "What's this about a wolf?  I thought you were a dog."

"No, no, it's a gaming company... they put out this game about fairies, and they made pookas all cute and cuddly and shit.  Fuckers," Joe said, sounding disgusted.

"Fairies?"  Billy snickered.  "You're a _fairy?_ "

"Fuck off."

Pipe started chanting, "Joe's a fairy!  Joe's a fairy!"

Billy had to pull the van over to the side of the road to stop Joe from throttling Pipe.

* * *

"A pooka is a type of Irish fairy--" Joe gave Pipe a warning look and continued, "that can turn into a huge black dog or black horse."

John coughed.  "Well, actually," he said apologetically, "Pookas are Welsh.  And they can turn into eagles or goats, too."

" _Johnny_.  I think I fucking _know_ what I turn into, okay?  And I sure as hell ain't Welsh."

"Sorry," John said, hunching his shoulders against the cold pre-dawn breeze.

"Okay.  Anyway, I turn into a black dog.  It's a fucking pain, but it runs in the family."  Joe shrugged.

"And you never thought of, oh, I don't know, _telling_ us?" Billy demanded.

"Yeah, Joe," Pipe added.  "You should've told us you were a _fairy_."

Joe started banging Pipe's head into the side of the van.  Billy shook his head, asking John, "Has everyone gone insane here?"

John looked startled.  "Well, I'm not the best judge of... oh.  You're joking."

"Yeah, kind of."  Billy raised his voice.  "Joe!  Stop trying to give Pipe brain damage, you know he doesn't have much to spare!"

"Um, you might want to know..." John said hesitantly.  "Pookas lure travelers off the road and kill them.  In some of the legends."

Billy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.  "Joe?  You wanna tell me why we had to skip town?"

Joe stopped banging Pipe's head against the van.  "I, uh.  Gave the hotel a stolen credit card?" he said, looking hopeful.

Billy crossed his arms.  "Joe.  Did you kill someone?"

"...maybe."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Billy yelled, throwing his hands in the air.  "As if we didn't have _enough_ fucking trouble getting gigs!"

"It's not my fault that I'm a fairy!  It's like a fucking disability or something!"

"Joe's a fairy!  Joe's a fairy!"

"Pipe, shut up.  Joe, stop hitting Pipe.  John, you tell me _everything_ you know about pookas."

Billy shook his head.  If it wasn't one thing, it was another.  But maybe there was something they could do with this to give the band publicity...  "Hey, Joe?  What do you think of Punk Fairy Dog as an album title?"

 _Snarl._

"Fuck!  I was just _asking!_ "

*the end*


End file.
